The Pain of a Ghost

There are no words to describe this pain
I feel as though I am naked in a crowd
Do you feel the same things that I do?
Or have I fallen for someone just like you... Again?
No... my love for you is ever growing, ever changing, ever chasing your heart
Though it seems unlike past years
For my love for you is easily swayed
It seems it teeters on a thread
Like a person in a cheesy film who lies, loves and cares
Just to be with you, with you unaware of their vainglory
Though those kinder qualities do not seem to fit me
Though the thought of you saying them softly in my ear
Can ease my mind from that fear
Do you know what I’ve gone through because of you?
It hurts to realize you’ve hurt me more than loved me
And then I realize that love was never there
A ghost of wistful dreams
A ghost of what could be
Do you think? Is it possible for me?
To have the only thing that seems to matter?
What I wonder is can I heal in time?
I don’t know if what seems like broken love can heal
Or if broken love truly heals
Like a child with a scar
A reminder of the consequences of carelessness
Do you understand now? Why I lie. Why I hate.
It seems you care...
Though it seems the only one I can not understand is you
I don’t think you know it’s you
Like you used to know...
Strange that that would bring me happiness.
To know I was unloved but could be loved in a different sense from a far
Though I wish you would let me in like others would
I wish I could understand and see behind what you do
For it seems I recognized some good in me
And far too little in you until just now
Funny... I seem to understand that ghost
For it seems that’s what keeps you and me alive
For I know you love or did love someone else
Could you leave her behind?
Doubtful, for it seems only the closest of friends get to see past that last shield
I should let go, but a part of me thinks... no wishes
That if I stay just a little bit longer that I might have a chance
A chance to be happy a chance to be free of this cage that keeps me away
This cage that hides the physical tension I feel for you
Though not ugly in thought, but instead a force of natural instincts
It is that ghost that keeps me here
I wish to leave
I want to leave
But there is no way and no life time will I be able to leave unless I know
I hate that thought myself but how else will I be able to understand you
Missing pieces must be filled
Like I scientist I must have reason for lack of understanding
Therefore this ghost of me shall stay with you
With you unaware...
With you until.